Customers say the darndest things, episode 2
Written by Dan
Amazingly enough, the customers involved in this conversation are the exact same ones from "Customers say the darndest things, episode 1." Didn't they learn their lesson the first time? I guess not.
GUY 1: So, what's on the agenda for this month?
NICOLE: Well, we have PARADISE NOW and KISS KISS, BANG BANG this week. Then we'll be starting SARAH SILVERMAN: JESUS IS MAGIC on Wednesday, and then-
GUY 1: (looking hopeful) Wait, wait, wait. "Jesus is magic," what's that about?
NICOLE: It's a movie about one of Sarah Silverman's concerts, but with little skits and stuff thrown in.
GUY 1: Hmmm. Are there many vulgarities?
NICOLE: Uh, yes. She's known for being pretty perversive and vulgar.
GUY 2: (suddenly interested) Is she a virgin?
NICOLE: I don't know... but I doubt it.
GUY 2: Oh.
GUY 1: Ok. Well, we'll see you later.
GUY 1 and 2 exit
In light of this conversation, I'm thinking about adding a "Virgin meter" in the info section for each movie. Something like this:
PARADISE NOW - Virgins = 0
KISS KISS, BANG BANG - Virgins = 2 (the two kids in the beginning)
SARAH SILVERMAN - Virigins = 0
I think that will help a lot of people make up their mind on whether they should watch the movie or not.
On another note, last night's late movie had a handful of drunk customers who were kind enough to do the following:
- Smash a beer bottle on the floor - This wasn't an accidental drop either. This bottle was smashed into pieces. I've dropped a bottle of beer, while standing, on our terrazzo and it didn't break. Think about it.
- Spit into the subsequent puddle of beer - How do I know it was spit? It looked, smelled, and tasted like the real thing.
- Bought a box of Jujy Fruits and proceeded to throw each and every black one into the puddle of beer, glass, and spittle - Racist and inconsiderate, a killer combination.
- Emtpy out all the other trash in their pockets into the cess pool - Gum wrappers, tickets, condoms, loose change, etc..
And then, to top everything off, they walked right out the door without saying a word. The least they could say was, "we made a little mess in the auditorium." But no! I asked them if they enjoyed the movie, they drunkenly wobbled their heads in a motion indicating "yes," and then disappeared into the night. That's the equivilant of going to a restaurant, smashing a glass on the floor, and not telling anyone. It's called "common courtesy" you callous crotch critters!
If they ever come back... I'm going to do something. I don't know what, but it won't be "service with a smile."