Customers say the darndest things, episode 1

Written by Dan

Before I begin this series, let me begin by prefacing it with this: The Moxie is a business run by a guy (and his wife) who happens to write a blog that is read by millions and millions of people looking for a good laugh. Be warned, if you visit our theater and say or do something that most people would deem "stupid," you may get written about on the blog.

The majority of our customers don't have to worry about being written about, but for those of you who do... fear not. Your identity will be masked behind the veil of a generic moniker, such as "guy 1" or "girl A," or maybe even "Mr. Stinky Stinkerton." So, without further ado, let me recount verbatim (or as close to it as I can get) a conversation I had with two customers earlier today.

GUY 1: Does this "Murderball" have obscenities in it?
DAN: Cussing?
GUY 1: Yes. Curse words, sex, nudity... that kind of garbage.
DAN: Well, there is cussing. And the rugby players do discuss their sex lives, in light of their condition, in a humorous manner, but nothing that I'd consider offensive.
GUY 1: Hmm.
GUY 2: You know. I don't have a problem watching an R-rated film, or even an X-rated one, as long as it doesn't have any cussing or nudity or fighting.
DAN: Well, unfortunately, we don't show X-rated movies here.
GUY 2: Really? Hmm.
GUY 1: Hmm.
DAN: I hope to see you both at "Murderball" tomorrow!

And scene. Uh oh, time for a reel change!

matt says:

there was a restaurant here in atlanta that put stupid or funny customer sayings on the wall. they had some real gems up there because they served international fusion burritos so people were often confused "is this a mexican place or a chinese place?"... that sort of thing. i can't think of any of them right now and the place has closed, but it had some honest-to-goodness laugh out loud quotes. might make for good bathroom decoration for the moxie.

¤ Posted on September 27, 2005 @ 9:05 pm

Caleb says:

I like matt's idea. And I'm sorry you have to put up with such idiotic Springfieldians. Good grief.

¤ Posted on September 27, 2005 @ 9:34 pm

erin says:

im going to never talk to dan or nicole. i say stupid things... all the time. i say stupid things more often than i say semi-smart things. woe is me.

¤ Posted on September 27, 2005 @ 10:12 pm

brian of moore says:

you know the world has really gone to hell.. when you cant even go out to see an x-rated movie with the family.. without having to put up with cussing and nudity
..on a weekday no less...
this truely is the end of times

¤ Posted on September 27, 2005 @ 10:35 pm

mish says:

ah! im so embarressed!

¤ Posted on September 27, 2005 @ 11:11 pm

Oz says:

"And scene"? Perhaps you meant "End scene," big boy?

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 6:56 am

steph v. horn says:

How can you watch an X movie if there's not cussing, nudity or fighting. Doesn't that make it G?

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 7:55 am

elliott says:

an x-rated movie with no cussing, nudity, or fighting... the land before time part 19!

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 8:17 am

Nate says:

Mmmmm...
animated dinosaur sex.

But without nudity.



Or cussing.

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 8:49 am

Nate says:

This does not bode well for me either, as I have a high darndest-thing output.

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 8:52 am

Jessica says:

I thought GUYS only watched movies with nudity, sex, and violence in them?

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 9:06 am

brian of moore says:

Oz: 'and scene' is better than 'end scene' ... end scene makes it feel like you just read a script... however "And.... Scene!" .. makes it feel like you just saw a performance

jessica: uhm..... nope... (slightly related) that reminds me.. its always gross hearing girls giggle and scream over things like Mel Gibson's ass in a movie... thus the reasons girls *shouldnt* watch such thing.. even if they do

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 10:07 am

Derek the local college student says:

Wait. You mean to tell me that you won't have X-rated movies?!?! Well, just see if I ever show up there again!.....Actually, I'm planning to bring a decent-sized group along for Murderball tonight :-)

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 10:37 am

Nicki says:

springfield needs a porn theater.

just think... business prospect if this doesn't go over!! (knocks on wood)

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 5:26 pm

Nate says:

Knocking on wood is definitely what would be happenin'. Paul Reubens style.


Cymbal. Bass drum.

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 5:47 pm

Dave Adams says:

I'm curious what these Guys who find curse words and sex offensive were thinking in some parts of MYAEWK.

Personally, I look forward to MoXXXie nights every Monday starting in March 2006.

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 8:04 pm

Caleb says:

LMAO...MoXXXie.

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 10:15 pm

Caleb says:

I'm so excited you're showing Donnie Darko for Halloween weekend! Though I think you should have a vote on here on whether to show the original or the Director's Cut. Cause I'm all for the original...

¤ Posted on September 28, 2005 @ 10:50 pm

Sara says:

That was great! Thanks for all the laughs.

¤ Posted on September 29, 2005 @ 9:35 am

elliott says:

boo original... hurray directors cut...!

¤ Posted on September 29, 2005 @ 2:42 pm

matt says:

i won't be there, but the original theatrical cut of donnie darko is considerably better than the director's cut.

¤ Posted on September 29, 2005 @ 3:24 pm

JED says:

I think when I come back I am going to kill everyone who doesn't like nudity or cusing or violence. I will violence their asses. That's all......

¤ Posted on September 29, 2005 @ 4:58 pm

mish says:

i havent seen the directors cut! show that.

¤ Posted on September 29, 2005 @ 6:24 pm

Richard Kelly says:

This is Richard Kelly here, the director of Donnie Darko, and I just wanted to let you guys know that my director's cut was really unnecessary. I ORDER you to show my original vision of my film.

I mean, come on. Switching out The Killing Moon in the opening credits for INXS? I was really drunk when I did that. Sorry.

¤ Posted on September 29, 2005 @ 7:02 pm

George Lucas says:

Drunk? Hell, that's nothing. When I changed my movie, I was free-basing crack out of a Tie Fighter model.

¤ Posted on September 30, 2005 @ 8:46 am

Theater Employee says:

I work at a theater where someone looked at the Murderbal poster and said - oh, I read about that - it's about soccer.

¤ Posted on October 1, 2005 @ 7:03 pm

Wunderle says:

Here's one:
"How much is the $2.50 popcorn?"

Next time I show up I think I'll order an extra-medium soda.

Wunderle

¤ Posted on October 2, 2005 @ 12:54 pm

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